Just finished todays devotional. 812 days of spiritual sobriety; certainly not in terms of desire, as the "Not Yet" of lust crops up occasionally. Though memory's pleasure and longings (which is what lust is) can in a moment or a day of moments reclaim my body, awakening every desire as though a pagan again, lost on a tumultuous sea, the waves crashing over my gunwale, still--I no longer doubt. 1 I know that if I peer into the darkness of need I will see Jesus, just off my ships bow, walking on water and ready to catch me should the waves consume me in their wake, pulling me back from their hellish grip. Then for a season, months or days, the inner sea of my heart will hush in response to his voice, "Peace, be still!" (Mark 4:39).
I am a man inwardly divided; longing and knowing I shall yet love God first as no other, yet keenly aware I do not, as yet. Even more, I am helpless, unable to affect such an outcome. All that is left is to listen in reverence for Jesus, who alone can secure within me the heart and action; to be in love with God as no other and actively love my neighbor as myself.
Phoebe Palmer, 2 the poet and musician of revivalist and purist hunger used to speak of the altar "sanctifying the gift of ourselves" once our faith and the full consecration of our lives kiss. Wether her or those who followed are guilty of turning her truism into a magic formula that God must honor, I do not know. Claim it and live it always seemed to me, a degree too far apart. Yet I would try. How I tried, it seemed, every Sunday. When the altar call was given I would make my way down the long aisle in front of God and all (family, friends, the cool kids), hoping it would stick, that God
would work the magic. Until... the truth of Neil Diamonds "Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show "cautioned me about the hype" while strangley helping me clarify the real source of assurance, human and Divine, as in: 3a
… Hot August night and the leaves hanging down
And the grass on the ground smelling sweet
Move up the road to the outside of town
And the sound of that good gospel beat
… Sits a ragged tent where there ain't no trees
And that gospel group telling you and me
… It's Love, Brother Love say (halle, halle)
Brother Love's Travelling Salvation Show (halle, halle)
Pack up the babies and grab the old ladies (halle, halle)
And everyone goes
'Cause everyone knows 'bout Brother Love's show
By the time I went to collage, I was asking one question. "Is my absollute need for God the result of human or Divine conditioning; culturaly nurtured or a Divine chasm only God could fill?" I took a threefold class load reflecting the nature of the search, studying in Sociology, Religion and Speech Communication to settle into a conviction. By my senior year I had pretty much concluded, both/and. Neil Diamond 3b is correct in his supposition that our religious experience rises from within the human community; As God always intended, however distorted we make it.
In my early pastoral ministry I was convinced that faith plus consecration, graced in time was the necessary pre-conditions to loving God first, as no other and our neighbors as ourselves. Jesus led me to another beach as he had Peter and the disciples wherein the hunger lurking within my faith could hear anew Jesus loving pursuit of Peter's thrice denial within Jesus threefold question: “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” (John 21: 15b) To each of the repetitions of Jesus piercing question, Peter asserted his love, emphatically at the third probing of his heart's loyalty. “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you" (John 21: 17c).
What strikes me as amazing in this conversation is Jesus three fold invitation to ministry. "Feed my sheep," followed by an assurance that in the twilight of Peter's life, he would, indeed love Jesus first, demonstratively. Looking deep into Peter's eyes and with the gentle smile of a friend who knows every strength and every flaw and delights in it all, Jesus adds: "Just as emphatically, Simon, let me assure you that as a young man you always push and shove, throwing your whole self into getting what you want. Often, but not always, it is what I want. But when you are old and no longer have the push or shove left in you, you will also no longer need to frame every reationship, every conversation as you think best. Indeed, you will extend your hand in willing surrender and allow others to lead you to a place you have always feared, a place you do not wish to go" (My paraphrase of John 21: 18). At the very least this is what we know Peter had heard, for in John's telling of his cousin's coversation he adds: "Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, 'Follow me!' ” (John 21: 19 NIV).
Jesus comfort with Peter—as he is, in process—reveals his comfort with each of us. It also underlines that it is not Peter's initiative that apparently mattered, but the Lords.; though clearly our response matters. As in Peter's early confession (Luke 5:1-11) of his need of forgiveness, illicited upon Jesus use of Peter's fishing business as a theatric backdrop while Peter and his crew were cleaning up after a dispiriting night of fishing without so much as a single fish, so it is here—3 years later. 4
In the first instance, Peter is drawn into Jesus message about the kingdom of God being very much like "a net that was cast into the sea that caught all kinds of fish. When it was full, they pulled it ashore, sat down, and put the good fish into containers and threw the bad away. It will be this way at the end of the age. Angels will come and separate the evil from the righteous" (Matthew 13: 47b-49). I have no doubt that Jesus request for Peter to cast out from shore so that Jesus could catch a fish or three, especially following his little teaching about nets and great catches struck Peter as insane, if not insulting; especially on a night when the sea gave up nothing. Yet, he relented and following the largest catch he'd ever seen stumbled out the boat confessing, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!” (Luke 5: 8b) To which Jesus responded that he, Peter, would continue fishing, but for people.
John's scene of Jesus finding and cooking breakfast for Peter and company is like a re-write. Peter fails at what he's good at. Jesus is present as the 'good fisherman' (k, I coined that) and subsequently walks Peter back into remembering his spiritual failure just weeks earlier, yet receiving and affirming he's fit to serve. The phycicality of it all is to a spiritual end. Peter is directed to mission as his true self and the promise that he will yet love God first as no other.
Like Peter, We...
In this season when my little and aging boat is being tossed around by waves too big for me, in a world that seems on the edge of apocalyptic promise and disaster, with a spirit keenly aware that I cannot manufacture the strength of character that I've so foolishly surrendered, and now only a memory of who I once was, I remain comforted. Jesus still cooks me breakfast and watches for me from within my trembling heart, using Scripture, my neighbors, His Church and God moments to remind that "God’s gifts and his call are irrevocable" (Romans 11: 29 NIV). Like a diamond in the rough I can only say:
… (Jesus,) Take my hand in yours
Walk with me this day
In my heart I know
I will never stray
Halle, halle, halle, halle, halle, halle, halle!
Blessings! Terry
01/25/2025
1 See: James 1:2-8
2 Enjoy a short video reviewing the ministry
and life of Pheobe Palmer: Click here ......
3a To listen to Neil Diamond's "Brother Love's
Travl'n Salvation Show:" Click here.......
3b To discover Neil Diamond's meaning in writing
"Brother Love's Travl'n Salvation
Show" Click here............................
4 That Jesus used Peter, James and John as back drops to his message we cannot know
with certainty, just as we cannot be sure he gave the parable of the 'great catch' being like the 'Kingdom of Heaven' in this moment--as I described above. Still, of it's truth I have no doubt. It is exactly the kind of thing Jesus always did, per the gospel writers.
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